


Lord of the Pokémon Rings

by Kyarorain



Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon (Anime)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-10-27
Updated: 2009-10-27
Packaged: 2017-10-11 15:59:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/114123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kyarorain/pseuds/Kyarorain
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A Pokémon parody of The Lord of the Rings.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lord of the Pokémon Rings

**Lord of the Pokémon Rings**

 

*A party is going on in Pallet Town. Ash, Gary, Misty and May (the last two are playing male roles because there are too damn many male roles and not enough female ones) are all having fun. Who cares what they are doing anyway?*

Professor Oak: What a boring party. I think I'll go and get jiggy with Mrs Ketchum. *goes to Ash's house*

Delia: Oh, hi, Samuel. I'm a little bit worried about Mimey. It found a strange ring and lately it's been stroking it and talking to it.

Oak: Really now? o_o

Mimey: Mime... mime... *caresses ring and looks possessed*

Delia: Do you know what we should do about it?

Oak: Sure. *grabs the ring from Mimey and waves a broom in its face* There you go.

Mimey: MIME! *grabs broom and runs off to sweep*

Delia: Oh, it was that easy? o-o

Oak: *gasp* This is the... uh, I'll tell you another time.

Delia: *blinks*

Oak: Let's go get jiggy now. ^_^

*Ash later comes home to find the entire house in darkness. Everyone else is already asleep. Guess he came home late.*

Ash: For some reason, this feels really creepy-

Oak: *slaps a hand on Ash's shoulder*

Ash: WAAAAAHHHH! MOMMY!

Oak: o_o' It's just me, Ash.

Ash: Professor Oak! What are you doing in my house?

Oak: There's no time for explanations. Look, this here is an evil ring that belongs to the Dark Lord Skarmory. Some Smeargle came across it and it ended up in the hands of Mimey.

Ash: A Smeargle?

Oak: Well, it sounds a lot like Smeagol, see?

Ash: o_o

Oak: We could have gone with Golem to sound like Gollum, but Smeargle was funnier.

Ash: o_o

Oak: You must go on a dangerous quest to drop this into the heart of Cinnabar Island's volcano. It is the only thing that can get rid of the Dark Lord Skarmory forever.

Ash: o_o

*Derisive laughter is heard from outside window*

Oak: *sighs and goes to open window* Is there something you want to say, Gary?

Gary: *comes through window* Come on, Gramps, you're sending Ash on a dangerous quest? That's just crazy.

Ash: And how many times have you saved the world, Gary? At least I have the action hero thing going on!

Gary: It still sounds crazy to me.

Oak: *sigh* Fine, Gary, why don't you go with him then?

Ash: What?!

Gary: Really? Yay!

Ash: T_T But I could totally do this by myself... I think...

Delia: WHAT'S ALL THAT NOISE DOWNSTAIRS?

Oak: Nothing, Delia! I'll come up in a moment! Ash, Gary, you two will leave as early as possible in the morning for your world saving quest. Goodnight. *goes upstairs*

Ash: ... Why is he going upstairs?

Gary: You are so dense, Ash -_-

Ash: Hey!

*The next morning, Ash and Gary leave. They are going through a cornfield, when suddenly they are ambushed by Misty and May.*

Misty: We're coming too!

May: No buts! ^_^

Ash: How did you...

May: Eh, we just did.

Misty: Deal with it!

Gary: I guess you do need us to make things easier for you, Ashy-boy.

Ash: No, I don't! I could totally do this by myself!

Misty: Don't listen to him. -_- Who was it who pulled you out of the water back in the second movie, Ash?

Ash: Um... er... you?

Misty: And who helped you get to that third island?

Ash: Team Rocket? D=

Misty: And who had to play the flute?

Ash: Melody... T_T

Gary: The Power of One, _my ass_.

Misty: Yeah, no kidding.

Ash: But I'm still good at being an action hero. ;_;

May: Of course you are, Ash. ^_^

*Nine people come along on Rapidash. They are very scary, so Ash and co. run and hide from them. Then they go to some random bar in Viridian City where Professor Oak apparently was going to meet them. Unfortunately for him, he's scrapping with Professor Rowan right now.*

Gary: What's the point of being in a bar? We're too young to drink...

May: Let's go to a restaurant...

Misty: Too expensive. Anyway, we had to come here.

Ash: Does this fit? *puts ring on finger* Oh, hey, it does! And now everything looks all weird! Cool!

Gary: OMGWTFBBQ, Ash disappeared!

Misty/May: =O

Ash: *takes ring off* Hey, you guys want to try it too?

Brock: *comes along and slaps Ash on the back of his head* What are you doing, you dimwit?

Ash: ;_; You didn't have to hit me!

*Everyone goes up to a room to have a private chat.*

Brock: Those scary people on Rapidash are Ringwraiths and they are looking for that ring. You put it on, they will know where you are, so unless you want to get killed, don't go putting it on! Actually, maybe I should just travel with you all anyway.

May: Yay! We get to eat Brock's cooking!

Ash: Awesome. ^_^

Brock: ... Yeah. So, anyway, forget about meeting Professor Oak. Let's leave tomorrow, shall we?

Misty: Yeah, why not. Serves the old guy right for being late.

Gary: Kind of unlike him to be so late though. Wonder what happened?

*Everyone leaves the next morning, heading for Cerulean City, where 'elves' live. On the way, they camp out at some mountains.*

Brock: I'm going to be irresponsible and leave you kids alone now. Here, have some swords. I'll be back... soon, maybe. See ya. *leaves*

Misty: I guess all we can do is sleep for now.

Ash: Why couldn't we just sleep at a Pokémon Center?

Misty: Don't be silly, Ash.

*Later on, Ash is awoken by the smell of bacon and eggs.*

Ash: I smell food... *sits up* Hey, May, are you cooking?

May: Yeah. Want some food?

Ash: Do I! *hurries over to join May*

Gary: *wakes up and sees them cooking* Losers... we already had dinner...

Misty: *is also awake* Wait... it's dark... and there's a fire... WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!

Ash: Uh, eating?

May: Do you want some food as well, Misty?

Misty: Go, Azurill, use Water Gun on that fire!

Gary: I thought we weren't supposed to use our Pokémon...

Ash/May: Hey!!! D= Why did you do that?!

Scary people on Rapidash: Hi. We're really scary.

Ash: Yikes! The scary people on Rapidash! I'd better hide from them! *puts on ring*

Misty: Oh, for Mew's sake!

Gary: Wait a minute, how is it fair that they can use Pokémon and we can't?

Misty: What do you expect them to use, regular horses?

Gary: It was just a thought...

Ash: *is stabbed* Owie. Pikachu, Thunderbolt!

Pikachu: *drops down from nowhere and uses Thunderbolt on the scary people with Rapidash, scaring them off*

May: Whew, that's a relief. Looks like they are running away now.

Ash: *takes ring off and collapses* Argh. I'm like, bleeding and stuff.

Misty: Serves you right, you blockheaded moron.

Gary: I don't know, Misty, it looks bad.

Ash: D= Help?

May: What do we do now?!

Misty: Just try and stop the bleeding!

Brock: Hi, guys, did I miss anything?

Gary: (sarcastic) Oh, nothing much really. Ash and May cooked, those scary people on Rapidash came along and Ash got stabbed, that's all.

May: T_T This is my fault...

Pikachu: Pikapi, pika? *is holding cloth against Ash's injury*

Ash: D= I'm dying...

Brock: Let me see... this is from a special blade used by scary people on Rapidash! We must look for a special herb to cure this!

Misty/May/Gary: WTF?

Ash: .......... Professor Oak never said anything about getting stabbed by scary people on Rapidash... ._.

*Everyone leaves the cave and Brock goes trying to find the special herb, when a Nurse Joy comes along.*

Ash: Oh, cool... I'm having a hallucination... I see a glowing Nurse Joy. Weird...

Nurse Joy: I'm glowing?

Ash: *faints*

*Later on, Ash wakes up in a bedroom in Cerulean City. Professor Oak is sitting there and watching him sleep for some reason.*

Professor Oak: Hey, Ash.

Ash: o-O Professor Oak, why are you here? Where am I?

Professor Oak: You are in Cerulean City. You were saved just in time. That was quite a nasty injury you had.

Ash: Huh, we made it to Cerulean City after all?

May: Ash!!! *runs into the room and jumps on him*

Ash: Ow! D=

May: You're okay! *hugs*

Ash: ... It hurts D=

*Gary and Misty come in as well.*

Gary: Good to see you're okay, Ash.

Misty: Yeah, just imagine what would have happened if you were on your own.

Ash: If I was actually allowed to use my Pokémon, things would be different!

Gary/Misty: *sigh*

May: Come on out and see everyone, Ash! ^_^

Ash: Okay!

Professor Oak: *watches them leave* I feel totally forgotten about...

*Ash, Gary, Misty and May walk around Cerulean City for no reason.*

Delia: Hey, Ash! I heard you were on the way to Cerulean City and came over here.

Ash: Mom?

Delia: I was going to give this before you left, but... well, you left fast. Here, this is... a mythril shirt, I think.

Ash: *takes it* Uh... thanks?

Delia: Have you been having fun?

Ash: Well, last night, these scary people on Rapidash came and-

Gary: *clamps hand over Ash's mouth* They gave us a really entertaining show and it was a lot of fun. ^_^

Ash: Mmmf, mmmf!

May: Yeah. It was... pretty good.

Misty: Nobody got stabbed or anything.

Delia: STABBED?!

Ash: *pushes Gary's hand away, looking annoyed* Everything's fine, Mom, really. Nothing we can't handle.

Delia: If you are in danger of being stabbed, then I demand you come home immediately, young man! Understand?

Ash: o_o;;;;;;

Misty: *facepalms* I shouldn't have said anything.

Ash: Wow, Mom, I'm never going to tell you about the crazy Pokémon hunter who tried to set me on fire, squeeze me to death with a Drapion and dropped me from really high then. Or the time I almost got blown up by some evil gang that's trying to destroy the world and make a new one.

Delia: *turns pale and faints*

May: ... You know, Ash, you could just not piss people off.

Ash: J kidnapped Riolu! And Team Galactic were doing bad stuff!

Gary: Anyway, that mythril shirt seems pretty tough. Should be helpful if you get stabbed again.

Ash: D= Right...

Professor Oak: *comes along* Uh, why is Mrs Ketchum lying on the ground in a faint?

Misty: Oh, she can't quite handle the thought of people trying to kill her son. -_-

Professor Oak: ... I see. I'll just go get smelling salts then. =/

*Later on, everyone is at a meeting. This meeting has something to do with the world quest.*

Officer Jenny: Okay, everyone, we're going to decide what to do about that ring.

Professor Oak: We already know what we're going to do about it. Destroy it.

Officer Jenny: Um, right. So, who wants to go on the quest to destroy it then?

Ash: Me!!!

Gary/Misty/May: *come running in out of nowhere* US TOO! ^_^

Officer Jenny: ... Anyone who isn't a hyper ten year old?

Brock: I'd like to go too, Officer Jenny, and I promise to come back for you!

Officer Jenny: o_o Okay then...

Paul: Pathetic, you are all pathetic. What the heck, I feel like going on the pathetic quest. That ring is so shiny... somehow I get the feeling it's not pathetic at all... it's so shiny...

Brock: The way you are staring at it is really disturbing.

Paul: ... It's shiny.

Professor Oak: I'll go too, because I'm scared Delia is going to figure out I sent Ash on a really dangerous quest and kill me. Like it's any more dangerous what he usually deals with...

James: I'm coming too because my hair is pretty, I'm good looking and I get to shoot arrows.

Jessie: I'll come as well. But why does my axe have to be rubber?

James: So that you don't hit me with it and accidentally kill me?

Jessie: What?! *angrily bops James with rubber axe*

James: ... See?

Officer Jenny: Right. Ash, Gary, Misty, May, Brock, Jessie, James, Paul and Professor Oak all can go. Meeting adjourned. Now I'm going to get coffee and a donut.

Ash: So we're all going to Cinnabar Island then?

Gary: Looks like it.

*The newly formed Fellowship leaves the next day, setting off for Cinnabar Island.*

Professor Oak: So, about these routes we can take. We can either go over the snow covered Mt. Coronet-

Ash: What?!

Professor Oak: The geography is REALLY messed up.

Paul: Pathetic.

Jessie: Why can't we just go in a hot air balloon?

James: Because it would be too convenient?

Professor: Or we can go through the dangerous Rock Tunnel.

Brock: Rock Tunnel don't sound too bad.

Misty: But going over a snow covered mountain sounds good to me.

Professor Oak: I agree with Misty. Let's go over the mountain.

Everyone except Misty and Paul: D=

Paul: -_-

Misty: ^_^

*Everyone goes to Mt. Coronet. A lot of time is wasted though, because apparently snowball fights are fun.*

Professor Oak: I'm cold... that's it! Stop having fun! We've got to keep moving.

May: But I wanted to build a snowman.

Ash: Me too. D=

Gary: We're on a world saving quest. We don't have time to build snowmen.

Brock: Hey, I can hear rumbling somewhere...

Misty: Rumbling?

*An avalance comes storming down toward everyone*

Jessie/James: *hugging in fear* THIS FEELS BAD!

Paul: Pathetic.

*The avalanche buries everybody. Moments later, Misty's Gyarados, Gary's Arcanine, Ash's Chimchar, Paul's Magmar and May's Blaziken manage to burn away the snow and everyone emerges.*

Ash: Oh no! I lost the ring!

Misty: Typical. -_-

Ash: Hey, it's not my fault we got buried under a bunch of snow!

Paul: *picks up ring and stares at it* Shinyyyyyy...

Brock: Hey, give that back to Ash now!

Paul: But... shiny... so shiny...

Ash: Why do I have to be the one to hold it all the time anyway?

Misty: You are the goddamned ring bearer, that's why! *grabs ring from Paul and thrusts it into Ash's hand* Take better care of it!

Paul: D=

May: So, uh... are we going to keep going?

Professor Oak: Nah, it's too dangerous, so let's go through the really dangerous Rock Tunnel instead.

Gary: Are all the ways to Cinnabar Island really dangerous?

Professor Oak: Uh... yes.

*Everyone goes to the Rock Tunnel. Suddenly, a Tentacruel bursts out of the nearby river, grabs Ash and starts trying to pull him in.*

Ash: AHH! I'm being pulled in by a crazy Tentacruel!

Misty: It's so cute!

May: Misty. D=

Misty: Eh heh, guess I'm a little crazy about water Pokémon.

Ash: Pikachu, come out here and use Thunderbolt!

Brock: Ash, no! You'll get hurt!

Ash: It can't be any more painful than getting stabbed.

Pikachu: Pi... Pikachuuuu! *uses Thunderbolt*

Ash: YARG! *is shocked along with the Tentacruel*

Gary: *smacks head* Ash is an idiot.

Jessie: I think he must be a masochist.

James: Totally.

Ash: You are the best, Pikachu! ^_^

Pikachu: Pikapi! ^_^

Professor Oak: Now then, we'll just go into the dark and scary Rock Tunnel...

*Everyone goes into the Rock Tunnel and finds a bunch of skeletons.*

May: Eek! Skeletons!

Gary: That all? We can't wuss out just because of a few corpses.

May: ;_;

Misty: I really don't want to meet whatever killed them...

Jessie: Hey, look, a room with a coffin in it. What does it say? 'Here lies some dead guy'...

James: I found a diary! Let's see what it says... A is so hot. I want to tell him I like him, but I can't, I spied on him in the shower instead... uh, skip this, skip this too, oh, here's something interesting. Something scary is attacking and killing us all. I want my mommy.

Ash: *pokes a skeleton sitting on a well and it falls down with an almighty crash* Whoops.

Misty: ASH, YOU IDIOT!

*A very angry Golem comes in with a sword made out of clay*

Brock: That Golem looks a bit pissed off...

Paul: Why is it wielding a sword made out of clay? Pathetic.

Ash: Heh heh... did that annoy you, Golem? Sorry abou- ACK! *has just been slammed against a wall and pinned by the Golem's clay sword* x_x

Gary: Yet another good reason why Ash shouldn't go alone. -_- Go, Blastoise! Use Hydro Cannon!

May: Go, Wartortle! Use your Ice Beam attack!

Golem: *is defeated*

Brock: *walks over to Ash* Er, Ash... are you alright?

Ash: Ugh... I'll live, I think...

Misty: That was a hell of a blow. Are you really okay, Ash?

Ash: Sure. *lifts up jacket and shirt to reveal mythril shirt underneath* It really works. Why does everything have to happen to me anyway?

Oak: You are the main character. Anyway, you should be used to main character abuse by now.

Ash: It doesn't mean I like being abused!

*Everyone decides it's a good idea to keep moving, so they do and are passing through a long hallway when they hear rumbling and bellowing*

James: Uh... that's not another Golem, is it?

Jessie: Can Golem even make that much noise?

Ash: It's something dangerous, isn't it? =/

Misty: I think so.

Gary: We sure are experiencing a lot of danger, huh?

Paul: This is so pathetic.

May: Do you need a thesaurus?

Paul: Why?

May: I dunno, I was thinking you might want some synonyms for 'pathetic'

Paul: ...

Brock: Shouldn't we just start running?

Oak: I know what it is. It is something dark and terrifying lurking within the depths of Rock Tunnel...

Ash: What is it then?

Oak: It's... Giratina.

Ash: Giratina? That all?

Oak: It's a SCARY Giratina.

Brock: Isn't Giratina always kind of scary?

Oak: Just run for it!

*Everyone runs across a bunch of stone bridges to get away from Giratina. Eventually, they are reaching the exit when, for some reason, Oak stops in the middle of a bridge and turns around look at Giratina who is right behind him*

Oak: You shall not pass!

*CRACK*

Oak: Oh, fudgesticks.

*The entire bridge breaks, taking Oak and Giratina with it*

Ash: Professor Oak!

Gary: Grandfather!

Brock: We've got to keep going! Come on!

*Everyone exits the Rock Tunnel. After a bit of sadness about Professor Oak (some people don't really care), everyone keeps moving and they come to Lavender Town, which has been done up to look like it's actually a big forest.*

Dawn's voice: I can see you.

Ash: WAH!

Misty: What is wrong with you, Ash?

Ash: Didn't you hear that?

May: Hear what?

Dawn's voice: I am the voice in your head... head... head...

Ash: I can hear voices in my head. ;_;

Gary: That Golem probably just hit you into the wall a little too hard.

Dawn's voice: It was just a joke, sheesh! Whatever. Keep going...

Ash: I'm scared...

Brock: There's nothing to be scared of, Ash.

*Ash and co soon meet Dawn who is standing next to Kenny.*

Dawn: Uh, hi and stuff. You can stay the night. Aren't I nice? I see the poetry guy isn't here, which is a shame. So, yeah. Good night.

*Everyone goes to sleep, but Ash can't sleep so he wanders off and finds Dawn hanging out by a birdbath.*

Dawn: Hi, Ash. Would you look into my mirror?

Ash: Uh, isn't that a birdbath?

Dawn: Well, I did just bathe Piplup in it...

Ash: Why do you call it a mirror anyway?

Dawn: Because the script said to. Now look in the damn birdbath!

Ash: o-O;;; Okay, okay... *does so and sees himself losing to Paul in the league* ACK! NOOOOOOO! *falls to ground still screaming*

Dawn: What did you see?

Ash: Myself... losing... *whimpers*

Gary: *comes over* Hey, Ash, I was wondering where you were... and then I heard you screaming.

Ash: Gary! ;_; *clings* It was terrible... I saw something really frightening in the water...

Gary: Don't be so silly, Ash. *looks* O_O

Dawn: And what do you see?

Gary: No! This can't be!

Ash: What is it, Gary?

Gary: I see myself completely forgotten and never appearing in the anime ever again ;_;

Ash: Well, you are pretty close to it... but I don't want you to disappear. ._.

Gary: I'm scared. *clings to Ash*

Ash: Me too. *clings back*

Dawn: Is it really that scary? *looks inside and sees self actually putting Piplup in a Poké Ball* Wow, when was the last time I even put Piplup in its ball?

Ash: ._.

Gary: ._.

*The next day, everyone leaves Lavender Town and sets off on boats. They later get off to have a nice picnic and stuff.*

Ash: Ooh, a Butterfree! *wanders off after it*

Gary: Great. He's chasing Butterfree.

Paul: I like shiny things. *wanders off after Ash*

Jessie: I like stealing Pokémon!

James: Unfortunately, we have to behave... this stinks.

Brock: It would be nice if everyone wasn't haphazardly wandering off.

May/Misty: Let's wander off together! ^_^ *they wander off*

Brock: OH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! *stomps off* I'm not your babysitter, you know!

Gary: So, um... *looks at James* Are you gay?

James: Uh, no?

Gary: Oh.

Jessie: Do we have to do anything?

Gary: I don't think so. Just wait here and let them do their stuff.

Jessie/James: Boring. D=

Gary: Yeah.

Ash: Butterfree! Where did you go?

Paul: Hey, Ash.

Ash: Paul.

Paul: Can I see that shiny ring again?

Ash: *takes ring out of pocket* Sure.

Paul: It's really shiny.

Ash: I know you think it's shiny...

Paul: Can I have it?

Ash: Um... no. Sorry.

Paul: But I want it.

Ash: I can't give you it.

Paul: Shiny!!!

Ash: You can't have the shiny... I mean, the ring!

Paul: But... shiny! T_T Shinyshinyshinyshiny...

Ash: Oh, screw it. *puts on ring and runs off*

Paul: Huh, what the... hey! Where did you go? Ash? Ash! ... *sniff* The shiny's all gone...

Ash: *eventually stops and takes ring off* Whew... I think I lost him...

Brock: Ash! There you are!

Ash: You would find me, wouldn't you?

Brock: That tracking device is pretty good... oops.

Ash: A tracking device? You put a tracking device on me? When?

Brock: Uh, before you even left for Hoenn...

Ash: WHAT?!

Brock: Anyway, you still have the ring?

Ash: Yep, see?

Ring: Brock...

Brock: HOLY CRAP! It's talking to me! Get that freaky thing away from me!

Ash: I didn't hear anything. o_o What the heck... I'm out of here. *wanders off again*

Brock: ... *stares at a tree*

Misty: Look, random people with arrows!

May: Those random people with arrows look scary.

Misty: Yeah... I think they want to kidnap us.

May: Yikes. o_o

Paul: I don't even care, but I guess I'll try to stop those scary people with arrows from kidnapping them. *gets shot with arrows* I didn't even get a chance to do anything!

May/Misty: =O OMG NOES.

Paul: *is shot with more arrows* Oh, you've got to be kidding me... *falls over*

Scary people with arrows: *grab May and Misty and run off with them*

Brock: *comes out of nowhere and sends out Croagunk, who beats up a scary person with an arrow who is about to finish off Paul* Huh. You don't look so good, Paul.

Paul: I feel like shit. Oh yeah, and those girls got kidnapped by scary people with arrows. *dies*

Brock: ... Jeez.

Ash: I'm going to get away from all these insane people on a boat, yay.

Gary: Hey, wait for me! *jumps into river and swims over to boat*

Ash: Gary?

Gary: You aren't going anywhere without me, Ash!

Ash: Aw, crap. D=

*More stuff happens. Misty and May are rescued, Professor Oak is actually alive, blah blah, lots of stuff happens. Ash and Gary eventually get to Cinnabar Island.*

Gary: Okay, time to drop the ring in!

Ash: I dunno. It's really shiny...

Gary: WTF? Ash, you came all this way to destroy it!

Ash: But it's so shiny, it seems like a shame to destroy it.

Pikachu (who is on Ash's shoulder and probably has been the whole damn time even though he's never mentioned): Pika! *grabs the ring and walks over to the abyss, where he drops it into the lava anyway* Pikachu. ^_^

Ash: Did... Pikachu just... save the world and not me? T_T

Gary: ... Let's go back to Pallet Town now.

Ash: Okay then!

Pikachu: Pipikachu! *poses*


End file.
